Post by Editor in Chief on Feb 21, 2008 18:17:24 GMT
It is no secret that the Pharoah has been mysteriously silent for quite some time. We recently sent our renowned Palace Correspondent Fewms to try and discover why there have not lately been any appearances or announcements by Queen Ptraci. Unfortunately, he did not return for many days, at which time he appeared haggard and disheveled, and refused to discuss anything related to this story.
Luckily, Fewms' tattered notebook was discovered by a Palace scribe in one corner of the Throne Room, and was returned to the Papyrus. In the absence of an article, we present Fewms' raw notes, from which our readers may hopefully glean something.
_______________________________________
Thursday 3rd Sektober Secundus, UC 2023
10:30
Have been assigned by E to cover the Palace, to determine the whereabouts and disposition ofthe Queen. Stopped by the harbour for a funnel cake then went to work. Arrived at Throne Room at 10:00, found it empty. I will stand and wait for Her Divine Eminence.
14:50
Judgement Hour has come and gone, with still no sign of QPt. Saw one scribe but he would not answer any questions, just yelled something about the letter 'J'. A clue? Was forced to use Wurphle for lunch. Getting tired of standing. Guess I'll explore the rest of the grounds.
17:15
Encountered Ptespi An in the main hall. I asked him if he'd heard any news of the Pharoah. Instead of answering he requested that I frown lasciviously. Making my excuses I extracted myself from the conversation.
19:00
Went downstairs to the Council Chambers, where I ran into Magistrates G and N. I made my inquiries regarding QPt, whereupon Magistrate G lectured me on the evils of autocracy. While I was thus distracted, Magistrate N snatched 1 talent from me, leaving east. Despairing, I retreated upstairs.
21:12
Found Magistrate Ptol. by the garden wine fountain. We shared a glass and I asked him if he had seen QPt lately. He answered, 'Why, yes as a matter of fact just yesterday I...' then suddenly he turned into a chalky white statue. I could get no more out of him. There seems to be some horrible curse on this place, centered on the Queen. There is nothing for it... I shall have to return to my Throne Room vigil, and refuse to move until the Pharoah turns up, as sooner or later She must hold Court.
Friday 4th Sektober Secundus, UC 2023
02:00
The need to relieve myself finally overcame my resolve. Luckily this is nothing that Fiddlefrod's Hydratic Extrusion cannot fix.
07:00
Too tired to eat. Cannot sleep, must not miss the Pharoah. At daybreak an assiduous chambermaid came to dust the Throne but would not speak to me. The Palace staff seems to be sworn to silence. I can no longer stand. Maybe if I sit on the Throne for just a moment, I won't get in trouble.
12:20
Dizzy. Can't stand up, but must stay awake. Scribes, chambermaids, and saucily-clad handmaidens passed by all morning, but took no notice of me. Perhaps they presume that I belong on the Throne. After all, QPt has been missing for ages, and Mother always said I was handsome as a King.
06:30
Tried to get a chambermaid to bring me some juice but she would not heed me. I was going to order her executed, but then a party of adventurers came into the Throne Room and slaughtered the whole staff. One tipped his hat at me stylishly. Being Pharoah is so lonely.
22:00
Night has fallen. Musn't sleep. Must make sure the sun rises on the morrow.
Saturday 5th Sektober Secundus, UC 2023
06:30
Success! The sun shineth on Djelibeybi. Now all will hail the Fewms Dynasty!
12:00
Ambassador from Genua wandered into Throne Room. I attempted to negotiate new trade agreement. Ignored. Then it's war!
21:00
Can't feel...legs...Room...spinning...Must...not...sleep...must...The Horror! The Horror! [1]
_______________________________________
[1] Editor's note: The Papyrus does not condone plagiarism of any kind. The reader can rest assured that Fewms has been buried up to his neck in the middle of the desert, with honey poured all over his head to attract the scorpions.
Luckily, Fewms' tattered notebook was discovered by a Palace scribe in one corner of the Throne Room, and was returned to the Papyrus. In the absence of an article, we present Fewms' raw notes, from which our readers may hopefully glean something.
_______________________________________
Thursday 3rd Sektober Secundus, UC 2023
10:30
Have been assigned by E to cover the Palace, to determine the whereabouts and disposition ofthe Queen. Stopped by the harbour for a funnel cake then went to work. Arrived at Throne Room at 10:00, found it empty. I will stand and wait for Her Divine Eminence.
14:50
Judgement Hour has come and gone, with still no sign of QPt. Saw one scribe but he would not answer any questions, just yelled something about the letter 'J'. A clue? Was forced to use Wurphle for lunch. Getting tired of standing. Guess I'll explore the rest of the grounds.
17:15
Encountered Ptespi An in the main hall. I asked him if he'd heard any news of the Pharoah. Instead of answering he requested that I frown lasciviously. Making my excuses I extracted myself from the conversation.
19:00
Went downstairs to the Council Chambers, where I ran into Magistrates G and N. I made my inquiries regarding QPt, whereupon Magistrate G lectured me on the evils of autocracy. While I was thus distracted, Magistrate N snatched 1 talent from me, leaving east. Despairing, I retreated upstairs.
21:12
Found Magistrate Ptol. by the garden wine fountain. We shared a glass and I asked him if he had seen QPt lately. He answered, 'Why, yes as a matter of fact just yesterday I...' then suddenly he turned into a chalky white statue. I could get no more out of him. There seems to be some horrible curse on this place, centered on the Queen. There is nothing for it... I shall have to return to my Throne Room vigil, and refuse to move until the Pharoah turns up, as sooner or later She must hold Court.
Friday 4th Sektober Secundus, UC 2023
02:00
The need to relieve myself finally overcame my resolve. Luckily this is nothing that Fiddlefrod's Hydratic Extrusion cannot fix.
07:00
Too tired to eat. Cannot sleep, must not miss the Pharoah. At daybreak an assiduous chambermaid came to dust the Throne but would not speak to me. The Palace staff seems to be sworn to silence. I can no longer stand. Maybe if I sit on the Throne for just a moment, I won't get in trouble.
12:20
Dizzy. Can't stand up, but must stay awake. Scribes, chambermaids, and saucily-clad handmaidens passed by all morning, but took no notice of me. Perhaps they presume that I belong on the Throne. After all, QPt has been missing for ages, and Mother always said I was handsome as a King.
06:30
Tried to get a chambermaid to bring me some juice but she would not heed me. I was going to order her executed, but then a party of adventurers came into the Throne Room and slaughtered the whole staff. One tipped his hat at me stylishly. Being Pharoah is so lonely.
22:00
Night has fallen. Musn't sleep. Must make sure the sun rises on the morrow.
Saturday 5th Sektober Secundus, UC 2023
06:30
Success! The sun shineth on Djelibeybi. Now all will hail the Fewms Dynasty!
12:00
Ambassador from Genua wandered into Throne Room. I attempted to negotiate new trade agreement. Ignored. Then it's war!
21:00
Can't feel...legs...Room...spinning...Must...not...sleep...must...The Horror! The Horror! [1]
_______________________________________
[1] Editor's note: The Papyrus does not condone plagiarism of any kind. The reader can rest assured that Fewms has been buried up to his neck in the middle of the desert, with honey poured all over his head to attract the scorpions.