Post by Editor in Chief on Feb 21, 2008 17:51:31 GMT
After witnessing some of the fashion nightmares worn by esteemed foreign guests at the Least Hot Day Party, I decided to investigate foreign fashion further. In my endeavor, I found my way to Nicolette's Custom Costumes and Tailoring. I was, of course, surprised to find this supposedly premier Morporkian establishment located in the basement of the Guild of Thieves, though upon reflection, it seems a sensible location given the outrageous prices charged.
First I browsed Nicolette's patterns, to see what a Djelian with immense amounts of money to squander might purchase. Unfortunately, her selection of appropriate Djelian attire was sorely lacking. Despite a vast array of items in varying lengths, not turban or veil was to be found.
You enquire about ordering an item of custom clothing.
You ask about ordering a turban.
Nicolette Leveaux says to you: I'm sorry, but I am unable to make those.
You enquire about ordering an item of custom clothing.
You ask about ordering a veil.
Nicolette Leveaux says to you: I'm sorry, but I am unable to make those.
This seems a most disturbing development. Why should a seamstress who shows such skill be unable to produce a simple turban or veil, items nearly identicaly to the numerous scarves, shawls, and stoles offered?
You ask Nicolette Leveaux: Are you biased against Djelians?
Nicolette Leveaux exclaims: I have so many clothes on order, I don't know how I'm ever going to get everything done!
This abrupt change of subject implies a guilty conscience, and a complete lack of regard for the opinions of Djelians. Nicolette didn't even bother to lie to me! Despite this Morporkian rudeness, I bravely soldiered on in search of other appropriate Djelian attire. While she did display a few options for robes, they were of limited lengths, compared to similar items, such as dresses, kirtles, gowns, overcoats, trench coats, cloaks, and capes. In fact, Nicolette offered no robes stopping above calf-length, displaying a complete disregard for current Djelian fashion trends and the need for air circulation in hot climates.
After I voiced my displeasure with the selection, Nicolette attempted to woo me with her other clothing, such as various types of skirts, undergarments, leggings, and shirts, as well as foot and arm garb that could be ordered in matching colours. Of course, I was not interested in such items, and asked for more information on the colours available.
Nicolette then produced a list of 226 colours to choose from! This perhaps, is one source of the fashion nightmare spewing forth from Ankh-Morpork. With such variety and such gaudy colours, buyers might indulge the silliest whimsy, rather than being told what colours are appropriate for their place in society.
I then turned to the materials from which Nicolette makes her clothes. She attempted to distract me with a delightful array of 17 silk and 5 plant-fibre selections, most of which are lovely for the desert. She then showed me 15 cotton selections, lingering over much on the terry cloth, perhaps in the belief that we literally wear towels on our heads. Nicolette finally displayed 7 different wools, and attempted to move on to other options. Suspicious, I asked her about the leathers and furs I had seen some Morporkians wear. She refused to show me those, however I rummaged through the bins myself, and among the 16 types of leather, I found the skin of camels!
How audacious, to waste the skin of such a magnificent beast! I was nearly overcome with emotion, but held steady long enough to sort through another bin. Dear readers, what I found within was unspeakable. Concealed within the piles of 13 types of furs, I found the fur of sacred cats!
When I regained consciousness, as if through a daze I saw Nicolette parade past me 11 types of trim. Though she waggled the tassles most enticingly, my soul felt dead by this point. Even the sleeve, pocket, durability, fit, and lining options did not revive me fully. I did manage a feeble smile when she spoke of her ability to make clothes thinner, to reduce overheating in the desert, but she had no styles to offer that might be suitable for a sultan or pharaoh, or any Djelian in general.
Much traumatised, I took my leave, stumbling back to the carriage that had brought me, eager to be rid of Ankh-Morpork once and for all. Alas, I have not even the vitality left to demand the destruction of Nicolette and her unholy shop. I can only beg that the services of such an wicked creature not be used by any of my devout comrades.
First I browsed Nicolette's patterns, to see what a Djelian with immense amounts of money to squander might purchase. Unfortunately, her selection of appropriate Djelian attire was sorely lacking. Despite a vast array of items in varying lengths, not turban or veil was to be found.
You enquire about ordering an item of custom clothing.
You ask about ordering a turban.
Nicolette Leveaux says to you: I'm sorry, but I am unable to make those.
You enquire about ordering an item of custom clothing.
You ask about ordering a veil.
Nicolette Leveaux says to you: I'm sorry, but I am unable to make those.
This seems a most disturbing development. Why should a seamstress who shows such skill be unable to produce a simple turban or veil, items nearly identicaly to the numerous scarves, shawls, and stoles offered?
You ask Nicolette Leveaux: Are you biased against Djelians?
Nicolette Leveaux exclaims: I have so many clothes on order, I don't know how I'm ever going to get everything done!
This abrupt change of subject implies a guilty conscience, and a complete lack of regard for the opinions of Djelians. Nicolette didn't even bother to lie to me! Despite this Morporkian rudeness, I bravely soldiered on in search of other appropriate Djelian attire. While she did display a few options for robes, they were of limited lengths, compared to similar items, such as dresses, kirtles, gowns, overcoats, trench coats, cloaks, and capes. In fact, Nicolette offered no robes stopping above calf-length, displaying a complete disregard for current Djelian fashion trends and the need for air circulation in hot climates.
After I voiced my displeasure with the selection, Nicolette attempted to woo me with her other clothing, such as various types of skirts, undergarments, leggings, and shirts, as well as foot and arm garb that could be ordered in matching colours. Of course, I was not interested in such items, and asked for more information on the colours available.
Nicolette then produced a list of 226 colours to choose from! This perhaps, is one source of the fashion nightmare spewing forth from Ankh-Morpork. With such variety and such gaudy colours, buyers might indulge the silliest whimsy, rather than being told what colours are appropriate for their place in society.
I then turned to the materials from which Nicolette makes her clothes. She attempted to distract me with a delightful array of 17 silk and 5 plant-fibre selections, most of which are lovely for the desert. She then showed me 15 cotton selections, lingering over much on the terry cloth, perhaps in the belief that we literally wear towels on our heads. Nicolette finally displayed 7 different wools, and attempted to move on to other options. Suspicious, I asked her about the leathers and furs I had seen some Morporkians wear. She refused to show me those, however I rummaged through the bins myself, and among the 16 types of leather, I found the skin of camels!
How audacious, to waste the skin of such a magnificent beast! I was nearly overcome with emotion, but held steady long enough to sort through another bin. Dear readers, what I found within was unspeakable. Concealed within the piles of 13 types of furs, I found the fur of sacred cats!
When I regained consciousness, as if through a daze I saw Nicolette parade past me 11 types of trim. Though she waggled the tassles most enticingly, my soul felt dead by this point. Even the sleeve, pocket, durability, fit, and lining options did not revive me fully. I did manage a feeble smile when she spoke of her ability to make clothes thinner, to reduce overheating in the desert, but she had no styles to offer that might be suitable for a sultan or pharaoh, or any Djelian in general.
Much traumatised, I took my leave, stumbling back to the carriage that had brought me, eager to be rid of Ankh-Morpork once and for all. Alas, I have not even the vitality left to demand the destruction of Nicolette and her unholy shop. I can only beg that the services of such an wicked creature not be used by any of my devout comrades.