Post by Fewms on Feb 8, 2009 19:17:38 GMT
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Page 4
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Interview with the President of the KCC
By Nawab Fewms.
Tanis Skyblade: Businessman, Master Thief, KCC President, all around Effendi. Our star business correspondent Fewms spoke with Tanis to help the Citizens of our Glorious Land learn more about this prominent Djelian and his enterprises abroad. He was discovered upstairs at the Fiddler's Riddle in Ohulan Cutash, riffling through a chest of drawers.
Fewms: Tanis!
Tanis: (hurriedly slamming a drawer shut) Eh? What?!
Fewms: Fewms here of the Papyrus. I was wondering if I might interview you for the illumination of our Citizenry.
Tanis: Er, oh yes. Always glad to speak to the Orifice of the People.*
Fewms: Excellent, Effendi. Please, sit. (they pull up chairs). So, you have bought two properties in Ohulan Cutash in the last year, is that correct?
Tanis: Indeed yes. The one I run as a shop, while the Smiling Chimera on the square has been donated to the Djelibeybi Council for use as a bank branch.
Fewms: Is it true that you spend so much time here because you have a fetish for Zoon women?
Tanis: I beg your pardon?
Fewms: Partial to a light moustache are we?
Tanis: Look here, I thought the Papyrus was a respectable news journal. I don't have to sit here and take this nonsense! (starts to rise)
Fewms: No need for that, Effendi! We hold all of our journalism to the highest standards. Now please, there are questions of great importance to our Citizens on which you can shed light.
Tanis: (Sits down) Well, all right.
Fewms: As KCC President, you will be working closely with the new Nawab, will you not?
Tanis: Yeeees...
Fewms: The word on the street is that he is a truly remarkable individual. Handsome, dashing, smart, witty, kind to babies and kittens, beloved by women, envied by men, truly...
Tanis: I say, is there a point to this?
Fewms: Who's conducting this interview? As I was saying, truly a model for all that is decent and admira...
Tanis: SIR! DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION?!
Fewms: There's no need to shout. Well, my question is, how does it feel to exist in the shadow of such a monumental figure?
Tanis: Right. This interview is over (stands and heads to the door).
Fewms: MR. PRESIDENT, DO YOU FEEL THAT THE EXCHANGE RATES BETWEEN DJELIBEYBI AND ANKH-MORPORK WILL CREATE A FAVORABLE ENVIRONMENT FOR COMMERCIAL EXPANSION IN THE NEXT QUARTER?!
Tanis: (freezing at the door) Hmmm?
Fewms: The exchange rates, Mr. President?
Tanis: Ah yes. This is more like it (returns to his chair). Well, you have to understand that economic expansion is driven by several synergistic factors. One must consider the rate of capital appreciation in the manufacturing sector, which...
Fewms: (eyes drift shut)
Tanis: of course in accordance with the laws of supply and demand must necessarily dictate growth under conditions of favorable trade balance. On the other hand, a soft labor market coupled with an unstable prime interest rate will precipitate...
Fewm: (snores lightly)
Tanis: Ahem. I say will precipitate a lack of consumer confidence and...and...
Fewms: (snores like a buzzsaw)
Tanis: THAT DOES IT!
Fewms: (eyes snap open)
Tanis: YOU, SIRRAH, ARE A BOOR, and I will see to it that you are FIRED and thrown to the CROCODILES!
Fewms: You can't threaten me, Effendi. I am personal friends with several Magistrates.
Tanis: Oh yeah? Well meet MY personal friends: Burleigh (draws a large crossbow) and STRONGINTHEARM!
Fewms: Er, thank you very much for your time (dives for the door as a crossbow bolt whizzes over his head, knocking off his Official Press Fez and pinning it to the wall).
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*Editor's Note: Our distinguished staff archivist, Fewms, took it upon himself to research the origins of this dubious nickname. Apparently the founders of the Papyrus were at odds over what to call the new publication for advertising purposes. One faction favored "The Mouthpiece of the People" to stress the role of the Papyrus as a forum for public opinion. Another favored "The Earpiece of the People" in honor of its role in bringing important news stories to the fore. And a small but vocal minority insisted on "The Nostril of the People" to signify the bloodhound-like investigative reporting which is a hallmark of the Papyrus. Ultimately, a unanimously acceptable yet rather unfortunate compromise was reached.
Page 4
---
Interview with the President of the KCC
By Nawab Fewms.
Tanis Skyblade: Businessman, Master Thief, KCC President, all around Effendi. Our star business correspondent Fewms spoke with Tanis to help the Citizens of our Glorious Land learn more about this prominent Djelian and his enterprises abroad. He was discovered upstairs at the Fiddler's Riddle in Ohulan Cutash, riffling through a chest of drawers.
Fewms: Tanis!
Tanis: (hurriedly slamming a drawer shut) Eh? What?!
Fewms: Fewms here of the Papyrus. I was wondering if I might interview you for the illumination of our Citizenry.
Tanis: Er, oh yes. Always glad to speak to the Orifice of the People.*
Fewms: Excellent, Effendi. Please, sit. (they pull up chairs). So, you have bought two properties in Ohulan Cutash in the last year, is that correct?
Tanis: Indeed yes. The one I run as a shop, while the Smiling Chimera on the square has been donated to the Djelibeybi Council for use as a bank branch.
Fewms: Is it true that you spend so much time here because you have a fetish for Zoon women?
Tanis: I beg your pardon?
Fewms: Partial to a light moustache are we?
Tanis: Look here, I thought the Papyrus was a respectable news journal. I don't have to sit here and take this nonsense! (starts to rise)
Fewms: No need for that, Effendi! We hold all of our journalism to the highest standards. Now please, there are questions of great importance to our Citizens on which you can shed light.
Tanis: (Sits down) Well, all right.
Fewms: As KCC President, you will be working closely with the new Nawab, will you not?
Tanis: Yeeees...
Fewms: The word on the street is that he is a truly remarkable individual. Handsome, dashing, smart, witty, kind to babies and kittens, beloved by women, envied by men, truly...
Tanis: I say, is there a point to this?
Fewms: Who's conducting this interview? As I was saying, truly a model for all that is decent and admira...
Tanis: SIR! DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION?!
Fewms: There's no need to shout. Well, my question is, how does it feel to exist in the shadow of such a monumental figure?
Tanis: Right. This interview is over (stands and heads to the door).
Fewms: MR. PRESIDENT, DO YOU FEEL THAT THE EXCHANGE RATES BETWEEN DJELIBEYBI AND ANKH-MORPORK WILL CREATE A FAVORABLE ENVIRONMENT FOR COMMERCIAL EXPANSION IN THE NEXT QUARTER?!
Tanis: (freezing at the door) Hmmm?
Fewms: The exchange rates, Mr. President?
Tanis: Ah yes. This is more like it (returns to his chair). Well, you have to understand that economic expansion is driven by several synergistic factors. One must consider the rate of capital appreciation in the manufacturing sector, which...
Fewms: (eyes drift shut)
Tanis: of course in accordance with the laws of supply and demand must necessarily dictate growth under conditions of favorable trade balance. On the other hand, a soft labor market coupled with an unstable prime interest rate will precipitate...
Fewm: (snores lightly)
Tanis: Ahem. I say will precipitate a lack of consumer confidence and...and...
Fewms: (snores like a buzzsaw)
Tanis: THAT DOES IT!
Fewms: (eyes snap open)
Tanis: YOU, SIRRAH, ARE A BOOR, and I will see to it that you are FIRED and thrown to the CROCODILES!
Fewms: You can't threaten me, Effendi. I am personal friends with several Magistrates.
Tanis: Oh yeah? Well meet MY personal friends: Burleigh (draws a large crossbow) and STRONGINTHEARM!
Fewms: Er, thank you very much for your time (dives for the door as a crossbow bolt whizzes over his head, knocking off his Official Press Fez and pinning it to the wall).
---
*Editor's Note: Our distinguished staff archivist, Fewms, took it upon himself to research the origins of this dubious nickname. Apparently the founders of the Papyrus were at odds over what to call the new publication for advertising purposes. One faction favored "The Mouthpiece of the People" to stress the role of the Papyrus as a forum for public opinion. Another favored "The Earpiece of the People" in honor of its role in bringing important news stories to the fore. And a small but vocal minority insisted on "The Nostril of the People" to signify the bloodhound-like investigative reporting which is a hallmark of the Papyrus. Ultimately, a unanimously acceptable yet rather unfortunate compromise was reached.