Post by Editor in Chief on Feb 20, 2008 23:12:45 GMT
Last month we all experienced a painful shock that threatened to tear the Discworld asunder. I am talking, of course, about the sabotage of our People's Bank of Klatch master counter. As a former Magistrate and Nawab of the Treasury, and as an international journalist, I believe I can offer a unique perspective that may help us all to heal after this tragic event.
First, we must acknowledge that there are people who hate the People's Bank of Klatch to the dark and festering core of their seething loins. These people will never open an account at PBoK. In fact, they enter all franchise locations once each day then leave without opening an account, merely to prove their point. They accuse the Djelibeybi Council of being nothing more than a horde of slavering pirates greedily pawing at their unsuspecting victims' quivering sacks of money. This group is vocal, yet harmless.
In contrast, we should also recognize that there are people who truly love the People's Bank of Klatch. Did I say love? I meant "are in love with". These people can often be seen loitering in the lobby of the main branch fondling the columns, and are deeply distrustful of anyone who uses a bank besides the PBoK. They are constantly closing their PBoK accounts and opening them again, just to re-experience the tingly thrill it sends through their limbic systems. This group is quiet, yet harmful.
Our next group contains those who feel warmly toward the People's Bank of Klatch, but who believe that "love" is too strong a word to describe their attitude. They make up the bulk of our account holders. While they outwardly appear to be ordinary everyday people, beneath their skin they are actually sinister alien "decept-o-cons".
Moving on, we find people who know about the People's Bank of Klatch, but are indifferent to it. I have little to say about this group, as they sadden me beyond words.
And let us not overlook that small but trusty group who have never heard of the People's Bank of Klatch. Newbies, Hublanders, Safecrackers...these people skip gaily through life oblivious to the cliffs and rogue elephants strewn across their path. When asked about the PBoK, they are liable to answer, "What? What are you talking about?" or perhaps even, "I've never heard of that."
Finally there's me, Fewms Nicemelons, Head Wizard in Charge. Beloved by women for my suave eyebrows and angular fez. Worshipped by men for my steely gaze and the firm set of my jaw. Like the pyramids of old, I weathered the scouring sandstorm that struck our innocent and virtuous Kingdom, providing comfort and inspiration to the sobbing masses. My fellow Djelians, give me your hands! Lend me your ears! Bestow unto me as a gift your kneecaps, wrapped in a silk cloth (may help you TM crafts.arts.design, often available at the Velvet Gauntlet with convenient PBoK franchise)! I promise once and for all, that if you put your faith in me, I shall not fill you up and will never let you down.
I hope that reading this treatise has been as much a balm for your wounds as writing it has been for mine. Now let us put this ugliness behind us, and move forward in strength, unity, and love.
Peace Out.
-FN
First, we must acknowledge that there are people who hate the People's Bank of Klatch to the dark and festering core of their seething loins. These people will never open an account at PBoK. In fact, they enter all franchise locations once each day then leave without opening an account, merely to prove their point. They accuse the Djelibeybi Council of being nothing more than a horde of slavering pirates greedily pawing at their unsuspecting victims' quivering sacks of money. This group is vocal, yet harmless.
In contrast, we should also recognize that there are people who truly love the People's Bank of Klatch. Did I say love? I meant "are in love with". These people can often be seen loitering in the lobby of the main branch fondling the columns, and are deeply distrustful of anyone who uses a bank besides the PBoK. They are constantly closing their PBoK accounts and opening them again, just to re-experience the tingly thrill it sends through their limbic systems. This group is quiet, yet harmful.
Our next group contains those who feel warmly toward the People's Bank of Klatch, but who believe that "love" is too strong a word to describe their attitude. They make up the bulk of our account holders. While they outwardly appear to be ordinary everyday people, beneath their skin they are actually sinister alien "decept-o-cons".
Moving on, we find people who know about the People's Bank of Klatch, but are indifferent to it. I have little to say about this group, as they sadden me beyond words.
And let us not overlook that small but trusty group who have never heard of the People's Bank of Klatch. Newbies, Hublanders, Safecrackers...these people skip gaily through life oblivious to the cliffs and rogue elephants strewn across their path. When asked about the PBoK, they are liable to answer, "What? What are you talking about?" or perhaps even, "I've never heard of that."
Finally there's me, Fewms Nicemelons, Head Wizard in Charge. Beloved by women for my suave eyebrows and angular fez. Worshipped by men for my steely gaze and the firm set of my jaw. Like the pyramids of old, I weathered the scouring sandstorm that struck our innocent and virtuous Kingdom, providing comfort and inspiration to the sobbing masses. My fellow Djelians, give me your hands! Lend me your ears! Bestow unto me as a gift your kneecaps, wrapped in a silk cloth (may help you TM crafts.arts.design, often available at the Velvet Gauntlet with convenient PBoK franchise)! I promise once and for all, that if you put your faith in me, I shall not fill you up and will never let you down.
I hope that reading this treatise has been as much a balm for your wounds as writing it has been for mine. Now let us put this ugliness behind us, and move forward in strength, unity, and love.
Peace Out.
-FN