Post by Fewms on Feb 8, 2009 19:11:03 GMT
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Page 11
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A Djelian Primer to the Stars
By Nawab Fewms.
If there's one thing we've got in the desert besides sand, it is stars. So it should come as no surprise that the venerable art of astrology was developed here. It was the great Djelian priest Stohn-Gruv-Dood who first noted how Scrab The Heavenly Dung Beetle pushes the sun through the quadrants of different celestial constellations as the seasons change. It was also he that discovered the influence of these constellations on the lives of those born while the sun was in their quadrant, an effect that increased with the square of the sum his patrons paid him. Our own ace reporter and resident Scintillating Scarab, Fewms, has taken it upon himself to attempt to revive this Djelian legacy, and after much painstaking study and several unofficial visits to the cliffs southwest of the city to "stargaze" has derived the horoscopes below. The Papyrus takes no responsibility for the outcome if you should choose to act on these prophecies. For the sake of tradition, the names of the constellations are first given in the original Ancient Djelian, followed by the modern nomenclature.
WIHL-EE (The Humorously-Shaped Melon)
First Third of Seedtime
Your suspicions are correct: your co-workers are laughing about your hygiene issue behind your back. Now is a good time to contact the Hashishim.
PTUFTO-SEY (The Tortoise Or Possibly The Ibis With Its Head Tucked Under One Wing)
Middle Third of Seedtime
Spending hours in the bathroom each morning is earning you a reputation. Your mother has several good suggestions for hobbies. Why not give her a listen?
NAHN-DIS-KRIPT (The One That Looks Like This: ** * )
Last Third of Seedtime
Your stars signal romance! Follow your heart, and start seducing that local wizard you've had you eye on lately.
SLAH-SHEE-TU-SHEE (The Spoiled Figs)
First Third of Inundation
It's rough seas ahead, I'm afraid. But you can weather the storm with a little help from a fiend. Yes, fiend.
LOHN-STAR (The Single Grain of Cous Cous)
Middle Third of Inundation
Unfortunately you have been dead for some time. Stay where you are! Someone will be along shortly for your eyeballs.
YOR-SIHK-NOH-WAIT-NAH-WAI-SEE-YIT (The Two Camels In Congress)
Last Third of Inundation
There is no shame in sticking to your dreams, as long as you wash the sheets in the morning. Refrain from making that change to your falafel recipe you've been contemplating.
TEK-SUHS-ROOB (The Bush)
First Third of Sog
Rejoice! For you suffer only from surface irritation, and nothing more deep seated. A good ointment shall be your salvation.
SNUH-FUH-LUH-PAH-GUS (The Hairy Elephant)
Middle Third of Sog
Your stars signal romance! Follow your heart, and start seducing that local wizard you've had your eye on lately.
GEE-KEE (The Twenty-Sided Die)
Last Third of Sog
The stars were a bit hazy on this one, but from what I could tell they signified, "Did you see the finale of 'The O.C.'? OMG, you guys!" I hope this means something to you.
Page 11
---
A Djelian Primer to the Stars
By Nawab Fewms.
If there's one thing we've got in the desert besides sand, it is stars. So it should come as no surprise that the venerable art of astrology was developed here. It was the great Djelian priest Stohn-Gruv-Dood who first noted how Scrab The Heavenly Dung Beetle pushes the sun through the quadrants of different celestial constellations as the seasons change. It was also he that discovered the influence of these constellations on the lives of those born while the sun was in their quadrant, an effect that increased with the square of the sum his patrons paid him. Our own ace reporter and resident Scintillating Scarab, Fewms, has taken it upon himself to attempt to revive this Djelian legacy, and after much painstaking study and several unofficial visits to the cliffs southwest of the city to "stargaze" has derived the horoscopes below. The Papyrus takes no responsibility for the outcome if you should choose to act on these prophecies. For the sake of tradition, the names of the constellations are first given in the original Ancient Djelian, followed by the modern nomenclature.
WIHL-EE (The Humorously-Shaped Melon)
First Third of Seedtime
Your suspicions are correct: your co-workers are laughing about your hygiene issue behind your back. Now is a good time to contact the Hashishim.
PTUFTO-SEY (The Tortoise Or Possibly The Ibis With Its Head Tucked Under One Wing)
Middle Third of Seedtime
Spending hours in the bathroom each morning is earning you a reputation. Your mother has several good suggestions for hobbies. Why not give her a listen?
NAHN-DIS-KRIPT (The One That Looks Like This: ** * )
Last Third of Seedtime
Your stars signal romance! Follow your heart, and start seducing that local wizard you've had you eye on lately.
SLAH-SHEE-TU-SHEE (The Spoiled Figs)
First Third of Inundation
It's rough seas ahead, I'm afraid. But you can weather the storm with a little help from a fiend. Yes, fiend.
LOHN-STAR (The Single Grain of Cous Cous)
Middle Third of Inundation
Unfortunately you have been dead for some time. Stay where you are! Someone will be along shortly for your eyeballs.
YOR-SIHK-NOH-WAIT-NAH-WAI-SEE-YIT (The Two Camels In Congress)
Last Third of Inundation
There is no shame in sticking to your dreams, as long as you wash the sheets in the morning. Refrain from making that change to your falafel recipe you've been contemplating.
TEK-SUHS-ROOB (The Bush)
First Third of Sog
Rejoice! For you suffer only from surface irritation, and nothing more deep seated. A good ointment shall be your salvation.
SNUH-FUH-LUH-PAH-GUS (The Hairy Elephant)
Middle Third of Sog
Your stars signal romance! Follow your heart, and start seducing that local wizard you've had your eye on lately.
GEE-KEE (The Twenty-Sided Die)
Last Third of Sog
The stars were a bit hazy on this one, but from what I could tell they signified, "Did you see the finale of 'The O.C.'? OMG, you guys!" I hope this means something to you.