Post by Editor in Chief on Feb 20, 2008 23:05:17 GMT
-Crazy Old Bat Freyalise
The Obscure Triangle
(Start Date January 1 - August 8)
The dice have chosen Riftgrabbing as the method of divination for The Obscure Triangle this month. As I walk up to a rift in the Institute, it flickers red for a second, then fades back. Hm. This is a warning, but whether it is to me or to you? I don't know. Hrmph. Anyway. We plunge into the rift and...hmm...rotten guts? This is something new. I don't know whether this is impending doom or recurring luck, but expect a good end result. Next up is a white razorblade box lid. Ah. This speaks a bit about your emotions. Take care not to get affected by anger and keep a cool head. Third comes a..EEK, an eyeball! Whew. Erm, I mean, wear blue for success. Yes.
The Bouquet of Wotsits
(Start Date August 9 - August 12)
The dice have chosen Pestering as the method of divination for The Bouquet of Wotsits this month. Pestering involves walking around and smacking soldiers, then analysing their reactions. It's a very ancient and accurate method and should be used only by professionals. Down to business. Ah, there is a lovely Ephebian specimen just around the corner. I kick him in the ribs. I just get a blank stare. Hm. This probably means something will happen to your brains - frying them, sucking them out or stirring them with an eggbeater, but something will. Okay, I glimpsed another lovely Djelian recruit down that alleyway...SMACK! in the stomach. He moans a bit, then smacks me right back. Rude. Anyway, well, it's rather obvious that your opponents will let you get the best of them! Keep it up.
The Lonely Scissor Blade
(Start Date August 13 - November 3)
The dice have chosen Sandpouring as the method of divination for The Lonely Scissor Blade this month. Ah yes. I asked for this. They brought a jar full of sparkly, sandy goodness from Al Khali, straight from the dock. That's what I call fast postage. Let's look at romance today. As for romance, we shall load a delightful female up with some sand, then observe the shaggy buzy-ness in the kitchen. Oh dear. It dropped so quickly. And he can't get it back to action any more. Oh, but she is using those udder(tee hee) failures...but to no avail. The door bangs. Wait, what? She stands up and dumps all of the sand out. Ah. Well. This is rather easy. You will need three attempts at your chosen one, but the last one will succeed. I wish you good luck!
The Heap Of Dung
(Start Date November 4 - December 17)
The dice have chosen Garlic Pleasures as the method of divination for The Heap Of Dung this month. The Pleasures involve sneaking up to a sleeping person, shoving their mouth full of garlic then punching them on the chin, then looking at the colour of the...excretions. Well, the usual stop, the barracks. Aw, a guard-on-duty sleeping. Doing my business, I finish, then disappear around the corner quickly. There are three waves. The third is very chunky, but they're all greenish. I'll predict a luxurious future for you but not for your spouse - he or she will contract a horrid disease and change colour. Perhaps you will inherit something from your plague-ridden ancestors.
The Mildly Annoying Flickering Star
(Start Date December 18 - December 31)
The dice have chosen Skewering as the method of divination for The Mildly Annoying Flickering Star this month. Ah yes. Skewering. My lifelong favourite. We tie up a condemnee, slice his stomach open, then take a sharp rod and start poking his internal organs and see what ends up on the stick! Isn't this fun? And it contributes more to the Great City of Djelibeybi than just feeding those crocodiles. Well. I think four jabs are good for today. We get...a wibbly, slimy bit, a squidgy gel-ish bit, a hard, white, jagged bit and a baggy bit. You will definetly flourish financially this month, along with a little hint of a fulfilled wish.
The Obscure Triangle
(Start Date January 1 - August 8)
The dice have chosen Riftgrabbing as the method of divination for The Obscure Triangle this month. As I walk up to a rift in the Institute, it flickers red for a second, then fades back. Hm. This is a warning, but whether it is to me or to you? I don't know. Hrmph. Anyway. We plunge into the rift and...hmm...rotten guts? This is something new. I don't know whether this is impending doom or recurring luck, but expect a good end result. Next up is a white razorblade box lid. Ah. This speaks a bit about your emotions. Take care not to get affected by anger and keep a cool head. Third comes a..EEK, an eyeball! Whew. Erm, I mean, wear blue for success. Yes.
The Bouquet of Wotsits
(Start Date August 9 - August 12)
The dice have chosen Pestering as the method of divination for The Bouquet of Wotsits this month. Pestering involves walking around and smacking soldiers, then analysing their reactions. It's a very ancient and accurate method and should be used only by professionals. Down to business. Ah, there is a lovely Ephebian specimen just around the corner. I kick him in the ribs. I just get a blank stare. Hm. This probably means something will happen to your brains - frying them, sucking them out or stirring them with an eggbeater, but something will. Okay, I glimpsed another lovely Djelian recruit down that alleyway...SMACK! in the stomach. He moans a bit, then smacks me right back. Rude. Anyway, well, it's rather obvious that your opponents will let you get the best of them! Keep it up.
The Lonely Scissor Blade
(Start Date August 13 - November 3)
The dice have chosen Sandpouring as the method of divination for The Lonely Scissor Blade this month. Ah yes. I asked for this. They brought a jar full of sparkly, sandy goodness from Al Khali, straight from the dock. That's what I call fast postage. Let's look at romance today. As for romance, we shall load a delightful female up with some sand, then observe the shaggy buzy-ness in the kitchen. Oh dear. It dropped so quickly. And he can't get it back to action any more. Oh, but she is using those udder(tee hee) failures...but to no avail. The door bangs. Wait, what? She stands up and dumps all of the sand out. Ah. Well. This is rather easy. You will need three attempts at your chosen one, but the last one will succeed. I wish you good luck!
The Heap Of Dung
(Start Date November 4 - December 17)
The dice have chosen Garlic Pleasures as the method of divination for The Heap Of Dung this month. The Pleasures involve sneaking up to a sleeping person, shoving their mouth full of garlic then punching them on the chin, then looking at the colour of the...excretions. Well, the usual stop, the barracks. Aw, a guard-on-duty sleeping. Doing my business, I finish, then disappear around the corner quickly. There are three waves. The third is very chunky, but they're all greenish. I'll predict a luxurious future for you but not for your spouse - he or she will contract a horrid disease and change colour. Perhaps you will inherit something from your plague-ridden ancestors.
The Mildly Annoying Flickering Star
(Start Date December 18 - December 31)
The dice have chosen Skewering as the method of divination for The Mildly Annoying Flickering Star this month. Ah yes. Skewering. My lifelong favourite. We tie up a condemnee, slice his stomach open, then take a sharp rod and start poking his internal organs and see what ends up on the stick! Isn't this fun? And it contributes more to the Great City of Djelibeybi than just feeding those crocodiles. Well. I think four jabs are good for today. We get...a wibbly, slimy bit, a squidgy gel-ish bit, a hard, white, jagged bit and a baggy bit. You will definetly flourish financially this month, along with a little hint of a fulfilled wish.