Post by Editor in Chief on Mar 5, 2008 21:47:39 GMT
This play is yet another display of the ignorance of the Morporkian dogs, and their determination to lift a leg and urinate on any glorious culture they feel intimidated by. Djohnny Klatchian misstates and mocks every conceivable value of The People, all for the purpose of furthering the Dysk Theatre's capitalist endeavors. Based on this determination, every citizen of Djelibeybi and others loyal to The Cause are hereby ordered by The Censors to boycott this ignoble attempt to disrespect everything Klatchian.
To start with, the main character is shown whining about his work as a farmer! Farmers are the backbone of our economy, and they all know this! They embrace their duty with tears of love in their eyes, and work hard to ensure a plentitude of melons and garlic for the scribes, for the Honoured Magistrates, for the belly dancers, and for the small children snatching the tooni of the visiting infidels. The Morporkian dogs would have everyone believe that our farmers are dissastified layabouts that have time to stand around and sing after thinking up ways to make things rhyme. This is not true! Our farmers love their work, and excel at it. None should dare insult them as the Morporkian dogs have done.
Nor are our fervent farmers so self-indulgent as to lust after the daughters of Embalmers. They know the wisdom of marrying the daughters of farmers, who know the life of farming and can slip into the rhythm of life married to farmers. How would an Embalmer's daughter fare on a farm? She would be helpless and useless in such an environment, except perhaps when it came time to pickle her husband's figs.
The insults are also aimed at the Embalmers, of course. The honourable Embalmers are not so lax in the raising of their daughters to permit the carryings-on attributed to Djohnny's love interest, Djane. It is also ridiculous to think that an unsophisticated farmer could ever succeed in pulling anything over on Djane's father. Furthermore, the daughters of Embalmers embrace their duty to their families and the Great City of Djelibeybi, and know that our very way of life depends on no one more than themselves, for only Embalmers can properly prepare dead bodies for what comes next.
Next is the insult to the guards and military of the Great City of Djelibeybi and Klatch beyond. Not only does the Capitalist dog who wrote this travest of a play propose that the Klatchian Foreign Legion would ever accept a whiny, singing, rhyming, layabout like Djohnny, they rhyme themselves while doing it! Although things look up temporarily when Djohnny volunteers for an assignment involving certain death, the audience is once again disappointed by his continued survival. Furthermore, Djohnny is depicted as being braver and better than the other legionnaires, despite their lack of singing, dancing, and rhyming. This is simply untrue! Our valiant fighters know the true meaning of honour and dedication, and have never abandoned their duty to Djelibeybi nor to Klatch. They know that they are the most vital component of our civilisation, for without them we would be overrun by foreign dogs and their dodgy playwrights.
The final disrespect is shown to our camels. There are no triple-humped camels in Djelibeybi. Unlike the Morporkian dogs, our wizards do not engage in the magics in darkened rooms that might result in such an aberration. Furthermore, our camels have better taste than to save the life of someone as worthless as the Djohnny character, and would certainly never marry him. Our camels are the most essential part of our Great City, because they carry what we cannot, and we should not stand for this insult agains them!
My brave, dedicated comrades, this play must not be shown! It attacks every value we hold dear, and the most important contributors to the Great City of Djelibeybi!! It should be destroyed, set on fire, stomped on, CHEWED up by camels and SPAT out, URINATED upon by the HOLY CATS!!! We must RISE UP against this ATTACK on our very way of LIFE and show our SOLIDARITY to the MORPORKIAN CAPITALIST DOGS!!!! RISE UP, COMRADES, RISE UP AGAINST THIS ATTACK!!!!!
To start with, the main character is shown whining about his work as a farmer! Farmers are the backbone of our economy, and they all know this! They embrace their duty with tears of love in their eyes, and work hard to ensure a plentitude of melons and garlic for the scribes, for the Honoured Magistrates, for the belly dancers, and for the small children snatching the tooni of the visiting infidels. The Morporkian dogs would have everyone believe that our farmers are dissastified layabouts that have time to stand around and sing after thinking up ways to make things rhyme. This is not true! Our farmers love their work, and excel at it. None should dare insult them as the Morporkian dogs have done.
Nor are our fervent farmers so self-indulgent as to lust after the daughters of Embalmers. They know the wisdom of marrying the daughters of farmers, who know the life of farming and can slip into the rhythm of life married to farmers. How would an Embalmer's daughter fare on a farm? She would be helpless and useless in such an environment, except perhaps when it came time to pickle her husband's figs.
The insults are also aimed at the Embalmers, of course. The honourable Embalmers are not so lax in the raising of their daughters to permit the carryings-on attributed to Djohnny's love interest, Djane. It is also ridiculous to think that an unsophisticated farmer could ever succeed in pulling anything over on Djane's father. Furthermore, the daughters of Embalmers embrace their duty to their families and the Great City of Djelibeybi, and know that our very way of life depends on no one more than themselves, for only Embalmers can properly prepare dead bodies for what comes next.
Next is the insult to the guards and military of the Great City of Djelibeybi and Klatch beyond. Not only does the Capitalist dog who wrote this travest of a play propose that the Klatchian Foreign Legion would ever accept a whiny, singing, rhyming, layabout like Djohnny, they rhyme themselves while doing it! Although things look up temporarily when Djohnny volunteers for an assignment involving certain death, the audience is once again disappointed by his continued survival. Furthermore, Djohnny is depicted as being braver and better than the other legionnaires, despite their lack of singing, dancing, and rhyming. This is simply untrue! Our valiant fighters know the true meaning of honour and dedication, and have never abandoned their duty to Djelibeybi nor to Klatch. They know that they are the most vital component of our civilisation, for without them we would be overrun by foreign dogs and their dodgy playwrights.
The final disrespect is shown to our camels. There are no triple-humped camels in Djelibeybi. Unlike the Morporkian dogs, our wizards do not engage in the magics in darkened rooms that might result in such an aberration. Furthermore, our camels have better taste than to save the life of someone as worthless as the Djohnny character, and would certainly never marry him. Our camels are the most essential part of our Great City, because they carry what we cannot, and we should not stand for this insult agains them!
My brave, dedicated comrades, this play must not be shown! It attacks every value we hold dear, and the most important contributors to the Great City of Djelibeybi!! It should be destroyed, set on fire, stomped on, CHEWED up by camels and SPAT out, URINATED upon by the HOLY CATS!!! We must RISE UP against this ATTACK on our very way of LIFE and show our SOLIDARITY to the MORPORKIAN CAPITALIST DOGS!!!! RISE UP, COMRADES, RISE UP AGAINST THIS ATTACK!!!!!