Post by Fewms on Oct 2, 2009 13:48:36 GMT
Astrology
by Crazy Old Bat Freyalise
EDITOR'S NOTE: No sacred cats were permanently harmed in the making of these predictions, and in fact had their innards thoroughly cleansed and now experience increased regularity as a result.
The Celestial Parsnip
(Start Date January 1 - August 22)
The dice have chosen the Desert Winds as the method of divination for the Celestial Parsnip this month. Northern winds indicate much stress. Ah yes, the lunar winds... tread lightly in the harsh sun of danger and... southern breeze... hold true to your gut feelings and traditions - if you might falter, be wary - sharpened objects emerge from the high pressure fluxes... I also sense the Winds of Change (dangerous indeed)... this means you could be blown straight off your feet if you're not careful - a lucky charm of a... colder fronts seem to shift quicker...foot will ward against this. Wear much weight - this is Crucial... the sunwind tells us you might be carried away easily... There also seems to be great controversy in your actions... yes, northern draft... betrayal! Take heed - it speaks about a fruit-related failure.
The Perhaps Gate
(Start Date August 23)
The dice have chosen the Caroc Cards as the method of divination for the Perhaps Gate this month. First to flip is Magic and the second is the Noble of Daggers. Beware, you are being chased - I see horrible discord in the shadows themselves. People are paid to follow you. Ah, we see a courtyard... it's unveiling... There's lots of movement there but it's foggy and blurred - the mists seem to lock away the pursuer! The Fool comes up next. This brings much-needed visions - you will prevail through pain and the cunning use of the slot machines... Three of Coins. I see poverty around you - not the ordinary one. An accident will happen around you - you're carrying an Auratic misfortune this month... you will make people stumble! Let us peer further... the final draw is the Seven of Staves. Ah yes, we see the misfortune! Someone stumbles into you bearing a message from your adversaries.
The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars
(Start Date August 24 - October 7)
The dice have chosen the Vivisection of The Sacred Cat as the method of divination for the Faint Stars this month. Ah yes, your health seems okay during this month, yes. And the pattern of blood trails certainly refers to relationships. Let us examine the pancreas. Oooh, how squishy, your love affairs will bloom this month. Now let us examine the liver... well, I see great financial success and... wait, is that a liver tumor? Yes, indeed it is, your success will be your downfall! You should move away from business while you still can. Ah, the wonderful spleen. The spleen's liquid is of a promising greenish hue - all is not yet lost! You might want to give it one last shot, the downfall seems to be preventable. Now, about your family, the stomach seems very healthy, unwounded, and the acid inside is potent indeed. Your family seems all right. No, wait... there is an irregularity on the intestine side... your children don't favor you as much anymore! Sadly, the intestines are quiet about the details - why don't you try to solve it before it gets out of hand?
The Knotted String
(Start Date October 8 - October 27)
The dice have chosen the Divining Bob as the method of divination for the Knotted String this month. Hmm, the bob seems to prefer the Triangle of Gilded Futures this time... very well. Let's see...ah, two violent pulls toward the Arch of Destiny, yes, and a circle... your future seems very open. Ah, a twitch in the Staffholder's direction, something will interfere... a whole swing to the east, yes... a full circle and a cross on the Hexagram's centre...yes, this most certainly means moving house... you aren't happy to leave... a sway and a swing to the northern Skies, yes, you will carry the luggage of the past... a small circle... you'll miss your old home. Finality circle and a spiral on the Armed Soldier... frontal assault... hmm... oh dear, yes, the zigzags, yes.... well, ladies, you know what that means... oh dear, another Finality circle, a grave matter indeed, yes... two sharp tugs... Great Statue... impairment, but it's avoidable. Yes, nothing too bad for the month ahead.
The Scissors Lizard
(Start Date October 29 - December 31)
The dice have chosen the Demon Summoning as the method of divination for the Scissors Lizard this month. After we lit the candles and throw herbs into the fireplace, he decides to appear. The demon is sickly green with white spots, falls out of the cauldron clumsily, and then starts ranting about orchard diseases. Startling. Well, I ask for guidance under the stars of the Scissors Lizard and he says: "Wealth, success and the starry nights, and falling from great heights, and a sharp object in your e... *sniff, sputter, cough*... Did you *cough, spit* boil fish soup in there? *gurgle* Where was I? Oh yes. Sharp object in your ear. Oh, and there's money to come in a round way. What? Don't ask me what that means! There also seems to be a shadow of the past. Perhaps an inner one. And most dangerous, yes." Suddenly a big, red-horned demon climbs out of the cauldron and starts dragging the green one back in, mumbling about unruly children. I get a burning look. "Nothing of interest, except for that sharp object. Kids these days!" and they vanish.
by Crazy Old Bat Freyalise
EDITOR'S NOTE: No sacred cats were permanently harmed in the making of these predictions, and in fact had their innards thoroughly cleansed and now experience increased regularity as a result.
The Celestial Parsnip
(Start Date January 1 - August 22)
The dice have chosen the Desert Winds as the method of divination for the Celestial Parsnip this month. Northern winds indicate much stress. Ah yes, the lunar winds... tread lightly in the harsh sun of danger and... southern breeze... hold true to your gut feelings and traditions - if you might falter, be wary - sharpened objects emerge from the high pressure fluxes... I also sense the Winds of Change (dangerous indeed)... this means you could be blown straight off your feet if you're not careful - a lucky charm of a... colder fronts seem to shift quicker...foot will ward against this. Wear much weight - this is Crucial... the sunwind tells us you might be carried away easily... There also seems to be great controversy in your actions... yes, northern draft... betrayal! Take heed - it speaks about a fruit-related failure.
The Perhaps Gate
(Start Date August 23)
The dice have chosen the Caroc Cards as the method of divination for the Perhaps Gate this month. First to flip is Magic and the second is the Noble of Daggers. Beware, you are being chased - I see horrible discord in the shadows themselves. People are paid to follow you. Ah, we see a courtyard... it's unveiling... There's lots of movement there but it's foggy and blurred - the mists seem to lock away the pursuer! The Fool comes up next. This brings much-needed visions - you will prevail through pain and the cunning use of the slot machines... Three of Coins. I see poverty around you - not the ordinary one. An accident will happen around you - you're carrying an Auratic misfortune this month... you will make people stumble! Let us peer further... the final draw is the Seven of Staves. Ah yes, we see the misfortune! Someone stumbles into you bearing a message from your adversaries.
The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars
(Start Date August 24 - October 7)
The dice have chosen the Vivisection of The Sacred Cat as the method of divination for the Faint Stars this month. Ah yes, your health seems okay during this month, yes. And the pattern of blood trails certainly refers to relationships. Let us examine the pancreas. Oooh, how squishy, your love affairs will bloom this month. Now let us examine the liver... well, I see great financial success and... wait, is that a liver tumor? Yes, indeed it is, your success will be your downfall! You should move away from business while you still can. Ah, the wonderful spleen. The spleen's liquid is of a promising greenish hue - all is not yet lost! You might want to give it one last shot, the downfall seems to be preventable. Now, about your family, the stomach seems very healthy, unwounded, and the acid inside is potent indeed. Your family seems all right. No, wait... there is an irregularity on the intestine side... your children don't favor you as much anymore! Sadly, the intestines are quiet about the details - why don't you try to solve it before it gets out of hand?
The Knotted String
(Start Date October 8 - October 27)
The dice have chosen the Divining Bob as the method of divination for the Knotted String this month. Hmm, the bob seems to prefer the Triangle of Gilded Futures this time... very well. Let's see...ah, two violent pulls toward the Arch of Destiny, yes, and a circle... your future seems very open. Ah, a twitch in the Staffholder's direction, something will interfere... a whole swing to the east, yes... a full circle and a cross on the Hexagram's centre...yes, this most certainly means moving house... you aren't happy to leave... a sway and a swing to the northern Skies, yes, you will carry the luggage of the past... a small circle... you'll miss your old home. Finality circle and a spiral on the Armed Soldier... frontal assault... hmm... oh dear, yes, the zigzags, yes.... well, ladies, you know what that means... oh dear, another Finality circle, a grave matter indeed, yes... two sharp tugs... Great Statue... impairment, but it's avoidable. Yes, nothing too bad for the month ahead.
The Scissors Lizard
(Start Date October 29 - December 31)
The dice have chosen the Demon Summoning as the method of divination for the Scissors Lizard this month. After we lit the candles and throw herbs into the fireplace, he decides to appear. The demon is sickly green with white spots, falls out of the cauldron clumsily, and then starts ranting about orchard diseases. Startling. Well, I ask for guidance under the stars of the Scissors Lizard and he says: "Wealth, success and the starry nights, and falling from great heights, and a sharp object in your e... *sniff, sputter, cough*... Did you *cough, spit* boil fish soup in there? *gurgle* Where was I? Oh yes. Sharp object in your ear. Oh, and there's money to come in a round way. What? Don't ask me what that means! There also seems to be a shadow of the past. Perhaps an inner one. And most dangerous, yes." Suddenly a big, red-horned demon climbs out of the cauldron and starts dragging the green one back in, mumbling about unruly children. I get a burning look. "Nothing of interest, except for that sharp object. Kids these days!" and they vanish.