Post by Fewms on Feb 20, 2009 3:15:15 GMT
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The Beetle and the Hippo: A Clash of Ideologies
By the Djelian Department of Propaganda
Only two things are certain in life: Death and Taxes. Usually, the former comes only once, while taxes must be paid every month. So favourably, however, do the gods smile on this small, disc-shaped world that death is an ailment one can suffer often, raising the question of whether death is better or worse then taxes. But the point of this article isn't to discuss philosophy; if it was, I would have to apply for official papers from the Department of Philosophy in case the Commissar came to have words with me at 2am and I ended up going for a swim with the sacred crocodiles.
No, this article focuses on logical, applicable subjects like...funnily enough, like death and taxes. For now we will focus on taxes, as people's money tends to be more important to them than other people's lives, especially in that selfish capitalist dung heap known as Ankh-Morpork. The two questions this article will revolve around are "Does Djelibeybi need taxes?" and "How should Djelibeybi combat the seemingly overpowering fiscal machine of Capitalism?"
The first question seems simple, but to arrive at its answer you need to understand the economy of our great utopia of Communist principles. The People's revolutionary Klatchian Co-Op Committee For the Destruction of Capitalism was founded after the great Klatchian revolution to stamp out unfair and unjust capitalist gain in Djelibeybi, which it succeeded in doing. For a long time, the fact that the Council owns the player shops in Djelibeybi meant that the Djelibeybi Council has had a overstuffed treasury with money spilling out of the sides, which has resulted in all of our citizens reaping the rewards - unlike the city across the sea, which is full of greed and exploitation. The fact that the Council owns the player shops, combined with the fact that Djelibeybi has very little in terms of rentable housing, is the nub of the problem. Taxes don't really work here, since the shops cost one toon and all the money goes to the Council anyway. Moreover, the houses in Djelibeybi, thanks to our citizens' fair and socially responsible attitude, are very low in price. I rather think that the taxes collected would just about cover the cost of collecting the taxes!
Can Djelibeybi's domestic and foreign enterprises fight back against the capitalist dogma? Will the Scarab Beetle of Djelibeybi hold its own against the mighty Hippo of Ankh-Morpork? (Please note, these are metaphorical animals, and not to scale; a real scarab beetle will be squished by a real hippo, shortly before the hippo tramples you to death.) I think it can. Ankh-Morpork is a steaming, heaving mass of bodies crammed into vast quantities of housing; if that City's taxes are set anywhere near as high as could be expected, the streets would be paved with gold. However, what we Djelians lack in fiscal power we make up for with heart and ingenuity - living in a desert teaches you the brevity of life, and gives you a sense of urgency. This gives us the upper hand to fight back, to get new ideas, to continue growing and make sure the years of work already invested in this fair city will not be wasted.
Look at how the capitalist machine in Ankh-Morpork is failing its citizens. The magistrates in charge are too busy squabbling over limits and polls. One of them, Psined I think his name is, seems to think he is the Patrician, and keeps setting up polls hoping they will give him some sort of mandate. What do the others do about this? Nothing. Only Scouter has shown real annoyance with this rogue behaviour, but none of them have been brave or bold enough to do anything about it. The Council's one hope of getting anywhere seems to be with a Socialist sympathiser, Calagan, who was recently hushed by the Patrician himself for his promulgation of revolutionary views. I am sure that if Calagan and his party were in charge Ankh-Morpork Council would be a less oppressive place, and diplomacy, for the first time, possible.
Calagan is not yet in charge in Ankh-Morpork, though we will continue to lend him what support we can. He has no mandate there other than what he can occasionally force the magistrates to do through fear of getting too lost in the company of esoterics, paranoids and hysterics and ignoring the will of the people, the most idealistic of whom Calagan represents. Currently, Ankh-Morpork is not as efficient as it could be. It is a slow, lumbering animal; the Hippo has an arrow in its side. Greed has riddled its body with holes, weakened its will, ground down its tusks. If we choose, we can strike now, and put even more distance between us and the sleeping giant; then, even if Calagan or one of his kind DO awaken it, we'll be far out of its reach! The Hippo has a nasty bite, but do not forget, the Scarab has wings.
So, to answer the question... No, Djelibeybi does not need taxes. It needs taxes like a turtle needs shampoo (to coin an Ephebian phrase). Can we beat the capitalist machine of Ankh-Morpork? Yes, comrades, we can! We must act now, however, to put distance between us and them; this will buy time till our Ephebian allies can enter the scene to help us form a coalition against the spread of greed.
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This message was brought to you by the Djelian Department of Propaganda (DDP). High quality propaganda at low cost prices.
THIS WEEK ONLY: Buy one get one free on the book "How to indoctrinate foreign nationals in ten easy steps".
page 8
---
The Beetle and the Hippo: A Clash of Ideologies
By the Djelian Department of Propaganda
Only two things are certain in life: Death and Taxes. Usually, the former comes only once, while taxes must be paid every month. So favourably, however, do the gods smile on this small, disc-shaped world that death is an ailment one can suffer often, raising the question of whether death is better or worse then taxes. But the point of this article isn't to discuss philosophy; if it was, I would have to apply for official papers from the Department of Philosophy in case the Commissar came to have words with me at 2am and I ended up going for a swim with the sacred crocodiles.
No, this article focuses on logical, applicable subjects like...funnily enough, like death and taxes. For now we will focus on taxes, as people's money tends to be more important to them than other people's lives, especially in that selfish capitalist dung heap known as Ankh-Morpork. The two questions this article will revolve around are "Does Djelibeybi need taxes?" and "How should Djelibeybi combat the seemingly overpowering fiscal machine of Capitalism?"
The first question seems simple, but to arrive at its answer you need to understand the economy of our great utopia of Communist principles. The People's revolutionary Klatchian Co-Op Committee For the Destruction of Capitalism was founded after the great Klatchian revolution to stamp out unfair and unjust capitalist gain in Djelibeybi, which it succeeded in doing. For a long time, the fact that the Council owns the player shops in Djelibeybi meant that the Djelibeybi Council has had a overstuffed treasury with money spilling out of the sides, which has resulted in all of our citizens reaping the rewards - unlike the city across the sea, which is full of greed and exploitation. The fact that the Council owns the player shops, combined with the fact that Djelibeybi has very little in terms of rentable housing, is the nub of the problem. Taxes don't really work here, since the shops cost one toon and all the money goes to the Council anyway. Moreover, the houses in Djelibeybi, thanks to our citizens' fair and socially responsible attitude, are very low in price. I rather think that the taxes collected would just about cover the cost of collecting the taxes!
Can Djelibeybi's domestic and foreign enterprises fight back against the capitalist dogma? Will the Scarab Beetle of Djelibeybi hold its own against the mighty Hippo of Ankh-Morpork? (Please note, these are metaphorical animals, and not to scale; a real scarab beetle will be squished by a real hippo, shortly before the hippo tramples you to death.) I think it can. Ankh-Morpork is a steaming, heaving mass of bodies crammed into vast quantities of housing; if that City's taxes are set anywhere near as high as could be expected, the streets would be paved with gold. However, what we Djelians lack in fiscal power we make up for with heart and ingenuity - living in a desert teaches you the brevity of life, and gives you a sense of urgency. This gives us the upper hand to fight back, to get new ideas, to continue growing and make sure the years of work already invested in this fair city will not be wasted.
Look at how the capitalist machine in Ankh-Morpork is failing its citizens. The magistrates in charge are too busy squabbling over limits and polls. One of them, Psined I think his name is, seems to think he is the Patrician, and keeps setting up polls hoping they will give him some sort of mandate. What do the others do about this? Nothing. Only Scouter has shown real annoyance with this rogue behaviour, but none of them have been brave or bold enough to do anything about it. The Council's one hope of getting anywhere seems to be with a Socialist sympathiser, Calagan, who was recently hushed by the Patrician himself for his promulgation of revolutionary views. I am sure that if Calagan and his party were in charge Ankh-Morpork Council would be a less oppressive place, and diplomacy, for the first time, possible.
Calagan is not yet in charge in Ankh-Morpork, though we will continue to lend him what support we can. He has no mandate there other than what he can occasionally force the magistrates to do through fear of getting too lost in the company of esoterics, paranoids and hysterics and ignoring the will of the people, the most idealistic of whom Calagan represents. Currently, Ankh-Morpork is not as efficient as it could be. It is a slow, lumbering animal; the Hippo has an arrow in its side. Greed has riddled its body with holes, weakened its will, ground down its tusks. If we choose, we can strike now, and put even more distance between us and the sleeping giant; then, even if Calagan or one of his kind DO awaken it, we'll be far out of its reach! The Hippo has a nasty bite, but do not forget, the Scarab has wings.
So, to answer the question... No, Djelibeybi does not need taxes. It needs taxes like a turtle needs shampoo (to coin an Ephebian phrase). Can we beat the capitalist machine of Ankh-Morpork? Yes, comrades, we can! We must act now, however, to put distance between us and them; this will buy time till our Ephebian allies can enter the scene to help us form a coalition against the spread of greed.
---------------
This message was brought to you by the Djelian Department of Propaganda (DDP). High quality propaganda at low cost prices.
THIS WEEK ONLY: Buy one get one free on the book "How to indoctrinate foreign nationals in ten easy steps".