Post by Fewms on Feb 20, 2009 3:12:15 GMT
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page 14
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Transcript of the Interrogation of Lip-Bahm
By Magistrate Fewms
Our Great Kingdom is full of colorful and friendly characters, from shopowners to wandering priests to brave warriors. But have you ever really tried to get to know any of them? We sent our award-winning City Desk correspondent Fewms out on the streets to bring their stories to our readers. Today he visits perhaps our most familiar landmark to outsiders, the general store, to talk with its extroverted owner, the charming Lip-Bahm.
Fewms: Salaam, madame Lip-Bahm.
Lip-Bahm: Hello Fewms! It's wonderful to see you!
Fewms: (smiles shyly) Oh, my pleasure as well.
Lip-Bahm: Welcome to my store, it's so wonderful that you're here!
Fewms: (blushes) Well! Quite so, quite so. Now, I was...
Lip-Bahm: Is there anything I can help you with?! Anything at all!
Fewms: As a matter of fact, I was hoping to interview you for the Papyrus.
Lip-Bahm: Splendid!
Fewms: Oh, good. Well let's get down to it then (takes out his notepapyrus and quill). Now, how long have you run this shop?
Lip-Bahm: (gazes adoringly around her shop)
Fewms: (after a minute of silence) Er...madame?
Lip-Bahm: I simply adore all these pretty things!
Fewms: Yes, yes, they are very nice. Now, as for my ques...
Lip-Bahm: Hello Fewms! What can I do for you today?
Fewms: Do try to concentrate, madame.
Lip-Bahm: So many lovely people come visit me, it's so wonderful!
Fewms: Fine, let's just move on then. You must see all sorts of people come through here each day. Who are some of your most interesting customers?
Lip-Bahm: (several more minutes pass in silence)
Fewms: (drums his quill a table). Excuse me, madame, but if I could get you to focus.
Lip-Bahm: (smiles happily, then twirls around)
Fewms: (rolls his eyes) I can see this is getting us nowhere. Well, you obviously love your merchandise. Why don't you talk about some of your favorite...
Lip-Bahm: Please have a look at my things! They're all so wonderful!
Fewms: (snaps slightly) Quite! But is there anything in particular you would...
Lip-Bahm: Hello Fewms! It's wonderful to see you!
Fewms: AIGH, YOU'RE A LOONY!
Lip-Bahm: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Fewms: (sighs in defeat) Actually, you remind me of my Aunt Ptabitha on my father's side. Lovely woman, but nutty as squirrel droppings in autumn, to steal a phrase from Lancre. Well, as they say, "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em." (pats Lip-Bahm on the head and stands behind the shop counter).
Lip-Bahm: Groovy!
Fewms: (leaps up and down, cackling manically) Marvelous! Check out all my lovely things!
Lip-Bahm: (smiles happily) Please have a look at my things! They're all so wonderful!
Fewms: Wonderful!!! Supercaliwhatsis...(twirls around and around). Say, I could get used to this.
page 14
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Transcript of the Interrogation of Lip-Bahm
By Magistrate Fewms
Our Great Kingdom is full of colorful and friendly characters, from shopowners to wandering priests to brave warriors. But have you ever really tried to get to know any of them? We sent our award-winning City Desk correspondent Fewms out on the streets to bring their stories to our readers. Today he visits perhaps our most familiar landmark to outsiders, the general store, to talk with its extroverted owner, the charming Lip-Bahm.
Fewms: Salaam, madame Lip-Bahm.
Lip-Bahm: Hello Fewms! It's wonderful to see you!
Fewms: (smiles shyly) Oh, my pleasure as well.
Lip-Bahm: Welcome to my store, it's so wonderful that you're here!
Fewms: (blushes) Well! Quite so, quite so. Now, I was...
Lip-Bahm: Is there anything I can help you with?! Anything at all!
Fewms: As a matter of fact, I was hoping to interview you for the Papyrus.
Lip-Bahm: Splendid!
Fewms: Oh, good. Well let's get down to it then (takes out his notepapyrus and quill). Now, how long have you run this shop?
Lip-Bahm: (gazes adoringly around her shop)
Fewms: (after a minute of silence) Er...madame?
Lip-Bahm: I simply adore all these pretty things!
Fewms: Yes, yes, they are very nice. Now, as for my ques...
Lip-Bahm: Hello Fewms! What can I do for you today?
Fewms: Do try to concentrate, madame.
Lip-Bahm: So many lovely people come visit me, it's so wonderful!
Fewms: Fine, let's just move on then. You must see all sorts of people come through here each day. Who are some of your most interesting customers?
Lip-Bahm: (several more minutes pass in silence)
Fewms: (drums his quill a table). Excuse me, madame, but if I could get you to focus.
Lip-Bahm: (smiles happily, then twirls around)
Fewms: (rolls his eyes) I can see this is getting us nowhere. Well, you obviously love your merchandise. Why don't you talk about some of your favorite...
Lip-Bahm: Please have a look at my things! They're all so wonderful!
Fewms: (snaps slightly) Quite! But is there anything in particular you would...
Lip-Bahm: Hello Fewms! It's wonderful to see you!
Fewms: AIGH, YOU'RE A LOONY!
Lip-Bahm: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Fewms: (sighs in defeat) Actually, you remind me of my Aunt Ptabitha on my father's side. Lovely woman, but nutty as squirrel droppings in autumn, to steal a phrase from Lancre. Well, as they say, "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em." (pats Lip-Bahm on the head and stands behind the shop counter).
Lip-Bahm: Groovy!
Fewms: (leaps up and down, cackling manically) Marvelous! Check out all my lovely things!
Lip-Bahm: (smiles happily) Please have a look at my things! They're all so wonderful!
Fewms: Wonderful!!! Supercaliwhatsis...(twirls around and around). Say, I could get used to this.